I've been skimming through everyone's posts and all the awesome advice being offered. And the more I sat and read, the more I felt complied to share my iddy biddy problem with you lot, since I haven't exactly been able to talk to anyone else here about it...
This is going to be a hard post for me to write, so I'm going to keep it as simple and short as possible.
A few days ago, I bumped into my mother's personal trainer at the gym early morning. And he usually says hi and stuffs, so I'm used to his randomness. But that morning... well, he told me something I'm not sure how to take even now.
My mother was apparently scheduled to have surgery that day, to remove a lump. I didn't know before that, and I just... broke down right there on the gym bicycle. Poor Neita had to wait for me to pull myself together. But I love you for that Neitz.
When I got home, I had no idea what to do. And as much as I love my mother, I just couldn't and still can't say anything about it. I don't know what to say to be honest. And I figure if she wanted me to know, she would have told me herself.
However, she didn't go for that operation that day... And I'm worried. She's putting it off probably because she's hiding it from us, or she just doesn't think it matters. She works so hard everyday, seven days a week, and twelve hours a day. What if she refuses to get the operation because she doesn't want to not be able to work, even to heal herself?
I know I should say something, convince her to get the operation. But I'm lost for words. My mother and I have never had a truly open mother-daughter relationship like she and my sister have. And I just feel so unequipped to take something this big on. And to make it worse, my sister lives in Fiji. I called her, and she told me I should talk to mum. Even my best friend Anja reckons I should too... But I can't. I've never been good with emotional family stuff, and I don't want her to see me crying and think I'm being stupid. She probably would tell me to stop being childish. I dunno.... I really feel lost and alone.
I can't even tell anyone else because I don't know what to say to them either.
I don't want to lose my mother... But I don't know how to convince her to get that operation without bursting into a fit of tears and sobs... What am I supposed to do? I can't wait for fear of losing her... And it just feels like my life has turned into a time-bomb...
Somebody, please pray for my mother.